Stop complaining about having no time to work out…You spend like 8-90 glorious hours at the office most days of the week! There’s a lot of time to workout, you just need to know where to find it, how to fit it in, and the reasons why you should work it. Hahaha, get it? “work it” applies to working out and work? Just let me have my moment, thanks.
I took a run/walk thing during lunch the other day at work…And it inspired me to help my readers learn how to embrace their work toosh, and start implementing an active lifestyle while at the office working all day…
1. The Water Cooler Calf Burn
You are standing there like a jerk, filling your metal water bottle…Probably thinking about something stupid, like if you turned off the oven this morning, or if you can have an office romance with yourself, so why shouldn’t you use this valuable 60 seconds to help you build those Grecian-sculpted calves?
Get Fit: So, stand up straight, and do some calf lifts right there…Yes, right next to that damn water cooler! Don’t ask me if you can balance on the wall…Of course you can, but only if you have to. If a colleague sees you doing calf lifts, at least do it like you mean it, without the wall.
2. The Boring Meeting Ab Flex
“Wait, what? You think it would be useful to have me at the meeting? Really? I’d love to, but I…Oh, you think it’s important that I’m there “just in case?'”
You know you’ll go to this two hour meeting…You’ll bring your computer, think you’re listening and working at the same time, but you always fail at one. Shut up, you can never change this soul-sucking arrangement…You have to go, and now you will LOVE going.
Get Fit: Sit there like a beast, and instead of being an annoyed jerk, be annoyed and flex your abs, and you can still be a jerk. Do 15 ab flexes…As many reps as it takes to get through the meeting…
3. The Strolling to the Bathroom Lunge
You are either cruising to the loo because you have been holding it in for 83 minutes and you’re in pain, or you need a break and don’t want your colleagues to see you leave the office.
Your colleagues actually aren’t watching you as much as you think, so take advantage of this stroll, and puff out that toosh that you have been squishing in your 1985 piece-of-crap chair all day.
Get Fit: Instead of walking to the loo, lunge your way over to the john. Make sure your knee and leg is at about 90 degrees when you lunge, not just because that is the fitness rule, but because we don’t need any Paris Hilton flashers…So yeah, brave the lunge in a skirt!
4. The Not So Gross Toilet Squat
I don’t expect you all to be as good at this exercise or as comfortable with it as I am, but when you start noticing that your toosh looks amazing in spandex, you’ll be thanking me and the toilet squat.
Don’t worry hoverers, you don’t have to touch the toilet with your toosh at all.
Get Fit: First, go into your favorite office bathroom stall…Then stand in front of the toilet as if you are going to sit down, but spread your legs so they are about shoulder width. Now squat down as if you are going to sit, but instead hover about an inch from toilet seat contact. Then start pushing your butt out and pull the squat up. Wow, that was a horrible definition of a squat.
Just do a damn squat over the toilet. Do 20, for 2 sets…’Cause I use the loo a lot, so that’s a lot of reps, which means mucho badonkadonk.
5. The I Can’t See the Computer Screen Push-Up Fake Out
When you went out drinking with your friends the other day and they joked about your man boobs, they were serious.
And fellow lady-friends…Stop kidding yourself…Your girls need a pick-me-up.
Get Fit: Sit at your desk in front of your computer. Push your desk chair back with your butt so your body is at an angle, but in line with your neck. Place your hands in front of the keyboard at an angle, with your elbows pointing out. Now, mumble something about your eyesight getting crappy as you are getting old, and then bend your elbows so your body and face get closer to the computer. Do it really slow and hold it when you get your body close to the desk. Do only 12-15 reps so your colleagues don’t catch on.
6. I’m Just adjusting My Seat Height Tricep Dip
If you don’t already have lunch lady/dude flabby arms, you will in no time, so you better prep now to avoid the kids pointing and laughing at you later.
Get Fit: Push your office chair out from your desk, and move your body and legs forward so your legs are at a 90-degree angle. Your arms should be resting on the butt of your chair supporting your weight. Your hands should be pointing in toward your body for a regular old tricep dip.
A colleague might see you going up or down from the corner of their eye, but by the time they realize you look like a freak, your 12 reps will be done and you can say out loud, “Ah, found the perfect height for ultimate productivity.”
7. Not Really Annoyed, But It’s Fun to Pretend Like I am Neck Rolls
Nobody likes the office screamer…That one colleague that doesn’t know how to control their business emotions and yells/complains/cries when they are annoyed/stressed/hangry.
So the next time you are annoyed at work, or just want to pretend that you are, or really, you are just bored, or your computer is so slow that you want to throw the damn thing out the window as you dive into the bowl of jelly beans on your colleague’s desk, just do some neck rolls. They really don’t make you look that sexy, or build up bikini/mankini body essentials, but it calms you down, and freaks out your colleagues.
So, how do you stay fit while at the office?
I would go to the private bathrooms in my office and do leg lifts while I washed my hands. No one ever questions you if you spent a long time in the bathroom, that would just be awkward 🙂
Hahaha, great one Sheena! The private bathroom option allows for so many more exercise options…At other offices where I’ve had a private loo, & I straight up get all into it and do crunches and some yoga…like cobra or downward dog. Roar!