I Used to Tell People That I Remembered The Room I Was Born in.
Supposedly, the room had a window to the right of the bed, and out of that window, snow was falling. As if a fresh newborn baby even can see that far, right? Anyway, I used to claim that there were balloons in the room as well. No, I don’t remember the colors of the balloons, and since the sex of the baby was a surprise back then, I couldn’t just say that the balloons were pink. I am sure I told people that the balloons were a nice neutral color, like red or yellow.
I mean, if I am going to claim that I remember the room I was born in on New Year’s Eve, I might as well embellish the story so it at least sounds like a decent party in the hospital room. I should have thrown in some champagne glasses, noise makers, and confetti (well, only confetti after everything was cleaned up). I mean, it was New Year’s Eve after all…There are big expectations for this holiday that aren’t centered all around me.
If you don’t like New Year’s Eve, you are probably bitter that you have never been invited to an amazing mascaraed ball where you got to dance with a sexy-someone, and then kiss them at the strike of midnight (wait, I might be getting this fantasy confused with David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly in Labyrinth). New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays that most people want to really remember, I mean, most of us have January 1st off, so if anything, let’s celebrate that, right?
Here’s Why Having My Birthday on New Year’s Eve is Lame
- I Usually Don’t Get an Office-Obligated Birthday Card: If New Year’s Eve isn’t considered a holiday already, that one girl-colleague who usually puts that forced signature-signing event together is at her grandmother’s house for the holidays.
- My Facebook Wall Only Gets Half as Many “Happy Birthday Grrrrrll!” Messages: People are on holiday watching TV.
- People Send Happy Birthday Messages a Day Late: I guess better late than never, but for some crazy reason people don’t understand the difference between New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.
- Going Out to Eat Means Pricey New Year’s Eve Standards: I guess there is always Chinese, but I probably already ate that on Christmas.
- People Forget It’s My Birthday: I know it’s a holiday, but wait a sec…
- I Get Combined Gifts: Yeah, Happy Channukithday!
- Everyone is Out of Town: No really, everybody…Even backups.
- Kissing at Midnight Has Twice as Much Pressure: Some people have a shot for every year, and other people…Kidding!
- I Have to Steal a Stranger’s Awesome New Year’s Hat: And then pretend to not see him when he waves to get the hat back from across the room. My birthday = My new hat.
- My Birthday Doesn’t Just End When it’s Midnight: It’s over when I go to sleep…That is a standard birthday rule.
Here’s to Pretending That Having a New Year’s Birthday is Awesome
- I Get to Make People Feel Guilty: It’s a Jewish thing, you might not understand.
- Everyone that is in Town Usually Wants to Go Out: This is a self guilt, not my doing.
- There is a Lot of Fun Options For the Night: I didn’t say affordable options.
- It’s a Great Excuse to Wear My Mom’s Awesome Dress From the 90s: And look good wearing it.
- People Bring Me Champagne Instead of Wine: It’s just sexier.
- I Get To Repeat The Same Joke Over and Over Again: Everyone is celebrating my birth! Annoying, but great.
- Everybody Who is Out is in a Good Mood: I guess that might be the alcohol, but could be the holiday.
- We Are All Celebrating the Unknown Future…Instead of Worrying About It: You know you like it.
- Everyone Seems Pretty Hopeful For a Fresh Start: ‘Cause they get to buy a new calendar for their desk.
- People set goals and resolutions: Who knows if they actually achieve them.
- With Such a Positive Holiday, It’s Hard to be Bitter: *Le Sigh
On New Year’s Eve you get to celebrate the unknown future, a new start…Another, “How the Hell did it go by so fast?” year of refreshing life. Sure, the holiday has been morphed into an American joke, where restaurants have an excuse to charge WAY too much, and people have an excuse to kiss the people they are too afraid to admit they love in “real life.” But overall, I guess New Year’s Eve has some great aspects other than being the day I was born…And I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that I get to make you feel guilty.