Weird New Year’s Resolutions I Should Really Stick With

By December 30, 2010Humor, Life, Personal

Imagine the stress we would release if we really said or did the things we punish ourselves for thinking.

For this year, put some humor into your New Year’s resolutions, and try to say what’s really on your mind…To inspire you, here are some of my no-holding-back resolutions for 2011:

  • I’m going to proudly walk around in the nude in the gym locker room…So that the two-week resolutioners feel really awkward when I ask them which shoe looks better.
  • When you are giving me the skank eye because I’m taking too long on the Abductor at the gym, I am going to pull out my iPhone and start taking pictures of you as I continue to work my inner thighs. Who’s creepy now, sucker?
  • I will stop imagining that my butt is oozing into flatness as I sit on my chair at the office.
  • When I’m facing some stranger on the street, and we are stepping in the same direction trying to get around each other, I’m going to scream, “Hey look everyone, we’re dancing!”
  • When you invite me out to your expensive birthday dinner, where I’ll have to pay $50 more from what my meal actually cost, and chip in $25 for your lobster seafood special…I’m going to make a total scene when the waiter tells me that they don’t accept American Express.
  • When I’m crying to you about breaking up with [insert name here], and you tell me, “he spooked me out anyway, and I think he hit on me the last time I saw him” I’m going to stop crying, and fake a sneeze all over you.
  • I’m going to pretend to totally believe you when you tell me that you never saw my text, and then I am going to pretend I can totally hear you at a really loud bar/club/game/ when you “supposedly” asked me for a ride home.
  • When I’m randomly putting on my makeup on the bus, and I catch you staring at me, I’m going to black out one of my teeth with my eyeliner, and then give you a creepy smile as I get off the bus.
  • When I come into a house party all by myself looking all fine, and your dog starts sniffing me where I don’t want to be sniffed, I’m going to bark at your dog and then act like nothing happened.

So bring it on, what are your no-holding-back resolutions for 2011?


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