You shouldn’t be the slightest bit embarrassed about the incredibly odd, yet entertaining things you used to believe and think when you were a child in the 80s.
I’m pretty sure that most of the things you used to believe and think about when you were little was shared by thousands or millions of other innocent “life is incredible, I love to spin in circles” children across the world.
As much as I would like to think that my childhood beliefs and thoughts were similar to other children my age, I am pretty confident that I was just as “unique” then, as I am now.
Let’s compare some of the beliefs and thoughts I had as a child of the ’80s, to the beliefs and thoughts I have now as a sexy, cool, educated, cultured, and well-traveled twenty-something woman.
80s Childhood Memories – What I Thought Then v. Reality
Where do Babies Come From?
THEN: I used to think that some people were born with babies in their head, and others were born with nothing in their head…And when the time was just right in your life, you would just barf up the baby.
NOW: Now I know that in order to have a baby, I have to do as many Kegel exercises as possible. While I’m looking for a man to one day have a baby with, I’m dating the man that I will one day have a baby with, I’m married to the man that I will one day have a baby with, I’m pregnant, and basically anytime when I’m on hold with United, in the bathroom at Starbucks, or waiting in line at Safeway.
Why Does it Rain?
THEN: I used to think that the reason it was raining was because the clouds were peeing.
NOW: Now I know that it rains because: I’m having a good hair day, I’m supposed to have a hot picnic date, I’m wearing a soft white blouse, or a frienemy is getting married.
When Can I Wear a Bra?
THEN: I used to think that wearing a bra made me look like I had a chest.
NOW: Now I know that looking like you have a chest when wearing a bra, and actually having the same size chest without the bra, doesn’t really matter when you get that far.
Why Can’t I Shave My Legs Yet?
THEN: I used to think that my parent’s believed me when I told them that I cut my leg because my mom’s razor fell off of the shower caddy, and directly onto my leg…Twice.
NOW: Now I try to see how long I can go without having to shave legs…Which is really easy when: you date guys from Boulder, have a lot of different colored tights, enjoy tight pants, or play really hard to get.
Why Should I Go on a Bike Ride?
THEN: I used to think that the only reason I had a bike was so I could ride to the store and stock-up on as much candy I could fit in my bike pouch.
NOW: Now I ride my bike to work so I can afford candy…And have an excuse to wear spandex.
Why Should I Kiss a Boy?
THEN: I used to think that if I kissed a boy, my dad would be able to tell the next time I went into his dental practice for a check-up.
NOW: Now I know that dentists can tell when you are on birth control by the color of your gums.
Why is He Mean to Me?
THEN: I used to think that if a boy at school was mean to me and made fun of me for being flat-chested and having braces, that he actually secretly liked me.
NOW: Now I know that if a man is mean to me and makes fun of me for being flat-chested…That he probably only uses his MySpace and AOL accounts.
Why Don’t My Stuffed Animals Talk to Me?
THEN: I used to think that my stuffed animals and Trolls came alive when I would leave my bedroom. To prove my theory, I placed my stuffed animals and Trolls in very complicated positions so it would be impossible for them to remember how I left them.
NOW: Now I know that having stuffed animals in your bedroom is not considered a turn-on to most men.
I know I’m not alone, what were some of the crazy things you used to believe or think when you were a kid?