Do we really need an intro? I get asked on a second date 90% of the time. Now,the other 10% doesn’t mean I didn’t want a second date, but it didn’t always happen. Follow my rules, assuming you are not a crazy fool on the date, and you can pretty much count on a second date.
1. Do Not Ask Him Out First
I know, crazy that someone like myself would say this, but the truth is, no matter how many times we hear men say that they love being asked out, it usually won’t get you a second date. Hey, I did say “usually” for my protection, but the proof is simple. If you want to be courted, you have to surrender to the belief that if a man is really interested in you, I don’t care how shy he is, he will definitely let it be known. I have asked out a handful of men, and most of them did not ask me out again. I could say that maybe I am not asking the right type of man out, but instinctively speaking here, so far the pattern has demonstrated that I like being courted, therefor I must not be the one that initiates the courtship, and you shouldn’t either if that is what you are looking for.
2. Kiss Him On the First Date
It’s awkward on the first date, and it will be awkward on the 2nd. You should give him a small, yes, very small and quick, peck on the lips at the end of the first date. This peck acts as an invite. By initiating this simple kiss, you are making yourself vulnerable, as you are going against the “status quo” of no kiss on the first date. Going in for the peck can be is risky, but the truthfully innocent. When it comes to kissing, do not wuss out and give him a kiss on the cheek. Kissing a man on the cheek will give him the wrong signal. Kiss his square on the lips, and it is ok to initiate it.
3. Do Not Text Him After the First Date
No. I don’t care if there was a blizzard on the way home where it snowed 3 feet in 2 hours. Do not, and I repeat, do not text him to say thank you, goodnight, or safe travels. Nothing. If he texts you, then give a quick and simple response, but whatever you do, refrain from texting him after the first date. And this rule applies for the next day too… Do not text him to check in. If he wants to ask you on a second date, then he WILL get in touch with you. Texting him and trying to “up” your chances just gives you a false hope that maybe you will change his mind. His mind is probably already set.
4. Do Not Friend Him on Facebook or Follow Him (publicly) on Twitter
Hey, don’t lie, we all stalk people. For me, it is part of my job, so I feel like it is more excusable. But do not friend a gent before or after the first date. Sure, stalk him, and learn all about him if you want (although I do not always suggest it), just whatever you do, do not friend him yet. You think he is not searching for you too? Sure follow his tweets, but do not “Follow” him on Twitter yet. He will be notified and this will disrupt the rule plan. Just wait. I didn’t say that you couldn’t continue searching him and using your Google skills, just do not friend him.
5. Don’t Single Your Date Out on Facebook, Twitter, or Anywhere Online
I can’t say that everybody is as educated about what is and is not private on the internet, so do not post about your date online… Not saying you can’t post about dating in general, but if you single him out, and he happens to see it, or you have a mutual friend of some sort that you didn’t know about, he will most likely be embarrassed by your actions, and he will probably be turned off. I said probably. If he is head-over-heels like high school crush over you, he might like it… but then, you should think about how immature your date might be in the first place. Do not post about him, not yet.
6. Do Not Bring Up Past Relationships on The First Date
This seems like an easy one, but it is so easy to slip in things about past relationships… Think stories, adventures, impressive OMG moments… We tend to want to share impressive and fun things while on a date, but if he starts asking details, or you say the word “ex” the energy WILL change. The energy might be in you, or it might be in him, but either way, if you are going to tell stories, turn the ex, old boyfriend, or fling into “my friend.” Too much of these stories that reference old partners get old really quickly… Then all of a sudden you notice you are self conscious about it.
7. Do Not Make Yourself Sound Too Busy
We all want to be honest on a date and talk about our real lives with someone. Hey, we don’t want to jump into anything that isn’t all us, right? But, if you start telling him about how you have work non-stop, girls night on Mondays, yoga on Tuesday and thursday, volunteer on Wednesday, and you love to travel over the weekends. Well girl, he might like you, but you sure didn’t invite him in. You can talk about being busy, but note that you always make time for the right people, and that your schedule is flexible, which makes it fun.
8. Be Flexible – I Mean, With Your Schedule
On your first date, when you plan it with him and are scheduling…We all like a little of the game, but don’t make yourself seem so hard to book a date with that it is exhausting… And even if you are not playing the game, girl, you have to move your schedule around to make this happen… That is what dating is all about. So, sorry, your are going to either have to skip yoga and go in the morning instead, or don’t go at all… But if you push him away at the beginning… He knows it will be just as challenging for date two, and if you are on the verge of maybe a second date, well you might have just made the decision for the both of you.
9. Buy Him a Drink Or Dessert After
Let him buy dinner, or whatever he had planned for the date, but after that initial purchase, and if things are feeling right, continue the date on to your go-to bar, coffee house, dessert house, or whatever… But whatever you do, show the initiative, and pay for him. What I love about this strategy is that it puts the ball back in his court. Most men, and yes, this sounds so stereotypical, but most men like to end a date knowing they have the upper hand. You paying for something at the end of the first date is graciously accepted, it shows you are interested, but if he is really interested, he will even it out so that the courting is balanced. The second date will still be in his court, and he ill balance it out by asking you, treating you, and rocking the weight back to his side.
10. Confidence – Bring it, but Don’t Dominate Him
There is a difference between a woman who is like a dominatrix and a woman who is confident… show confidence by demonstrating you are happy with yourself, where you are, who you are, and what you represent. Because whether you get asked on a second date or not, girl, that is what you have, so own it and love it. Feel sexy inside and it will be obvious in every move you take. Sometimes too much confidence can seem rather masculine, and might throw off the balance of the intimacy…Most men love a confident woman, but nobody likes an over-dominating significant other who feels over-bearing.
11. Say Yes to the Second Date
Now, there are slight exceptions to the rule… Like if he disgusts you, you are pretty sure he is gay, or he makes you uncomfortable or in danger… but any other excuse is NOT VALID. If you don’t say yes to the second date you are losing out on the opportunity to make yourself a better dater. The best part of always saying yes to the second date is that it brings out an energy in you which is more visibile and noticable when dating other men, and on other dates. It screams, “Hey, What do I have to lose, so bring it.” Truth is, what do you have to lose? Say yes to the second date, and the worst you get out of it would be a boyfriend, friend, funny story, or a lesson. Can you really go wrong?